Cloudy with a Chance of Scattered Emotions {Thankful Thursdays 06.02.2016}

I’ve spent the last two days in D.C., hopping around from coffee shop to coffee shop, a vagabond goldilocks looking for WiFi that was just the right fit. The boxes are piling up around the apartment, causing me to feel the confines of the space where I work, eat, and cook. It’s not like my house in upstate NY is some grand mansion. In contrast, it’s a tiny house, but it feels free being surrounded by nature. The ability to step outside, and cozy up on the bench swing is one I don’t take for granted.

Anyway, while in D.C. on Wednesday, I decided to mix business with pleasure, letting my cravings lead the way. I came home with a bundle of doughnuts, a baguette, soft pretzels, and a bottle of rosé. Now it may not seem a big deal, since I’m a stone’s throw from our nation’s capital, but if you’ve ever experienced D.C. traffic, you know it’s no joke. My work hours are limited, too, at least the time free of children, so I usually stay in Bethesda, MD to maximize my work day.

Frankly, the last two days in D.C. are exactly what I needed. They were part work, part mental health days. I needed to get lost in the streets a bit, not literally. I’ve often wondered these last few months if things would’ve been different had I lived in the city, as opposed to the Maryland suburbs. Deep down, though, there’s no place like home, and for me that means New York.

I do wish I had spent more time exploring D.C., but did I mention the traffic? And the metro isn’t very reliable these days.  Still, I intend to explore a bit more these last couple of weeks here. Virginia finishes school 10 days before Isabella, so we’ll have some mommy and baby time to take a few field trips. I know, she’s 8, and I should probably call them mommy and daughter days, but she’ll always be my baby.

I’m about to head off in a tangent, so forgive me. I need to just get this out. Last week, a song looped in my head. It left me feeling so distracted. And then this weekend I had the most disturbing dream. I’m not quite ready to go into it, but this week’s music pairing hints a bit at what’s been on my mind. This August marks five years since he left. I know he didn’t really leave, not of his own will, at least. Still, I’m dealing with so many feelings of abandonment regarding Michael’s death. I can barely write the words without tears welling up. I know I can’t put my arms around a memory, but don’t tell me not to try. Futile as it may be, to give up on the tangible nature of the memories is to lose a part of myself completely.

Since there’s no real way to weave this barrage of emotions, I’ll just mention that I put together a little video of our trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I plan to post some more videos, mainly so my mom can see them, but not positive I’ll post it here. You can subscribe (click here) to my YouTube channel if you want to keep up with more videos from our trip. We’re already dreaming about when we’ll get to go back.

Music Pairing: You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory by Johnny Thunder