spiced scented cranberry sauce {day 106}

Thanksgiving preparation has officially started, and I wasn’t sure what to expect as I set out to make the cranberry sauce. I’d bought the cranberries last week, and there they sat in the fruit drawer of my fridge. I’d stare at them each time I opened the door, and think “maybe tomorrow the mood will strike to make it”.

Well, Thanksgiving is only three days away, and this year I’m blinking in disbelief at how fast this fall has gone by. I go to bed each night thinking of how I found him when I heard he had collapsed. I replay this scene over in my mind before I go to sleep to remind myself that this is really my life, my reality.

I’ve written about being thankful, and I encourage the girls every day to remember how fortunate we are in spite of this sad truth. For now, my goal is a short term one—get through Thanksgiving. A reader who has also suffered this kind of loss, commented that the anticipation leading up to the “day”, be it an anniversary, birthday, or holiday is sometimes harder than the day itself. I’ve hit two big “days” so far, and I believe that to be true too.

So, I’m glad I didn’t turn my back on Thanksgiving this year. As I poured the cranberries into the pot and measured out the spices, I felt normal. I felt like the old “Jennifer”. The one who did these things without blinking an eye before August 7th.

This recipe is now in my Thanksgiving E-book, and can be found my new site, Simmering. Click here.

34 Comments

  • danielle

    Jennie, thank you for this recipe. I’m going to make it for my own family this week. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts and your life with all of us.

  • Lynne

    I lost my youngest sister suddenly 5 years ago and it’s true that the anticipation of a significant “day” is generally worse than the day itself. I hope you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. I will be thinking of you.
    Thank you for the recipe. I look forward to impressing my friends and family with it. 🙂

  • Maria

    Jennie your apple pie recipe just went in the oven, my house smells amazing already…I LOVE cranberries but sadly the family doesn’t, I am brining the turkey this year, the DH got a 24 lb one??? What was he thinking? Thank You for the recipe, have fun preparing…
    ps, that offer still stands if you want that book…
    JP’s note: Maria, you are so kind. A friend recommended the book early on, and I did order it. I just haven’t had the frame of mind to dive into it yet. I appreciate the kind offer, though. Happy Thanksgiving.

  • Tracey

    Hi Jennie,
    I always felt proud of myself, to a certain extent, to know that I made it through a event. Even though it would be majorly hard,it made me realize that I was strong. So I am proud of you (I know I have said that before). I don’t know what kind of books Maria suggested, but they were very helpful to me. I read and meditated and prayed alot. Just know that your grieveing is done in YOUR way and YOU will get through it the way you can. I know we all have advice(and we mean it in a kind and helpful way). When I was planning my husbands funeral, the priest said to me,” You are young, you will remarry.” Oh my gosh, I was aghast. I couldn’t believe the crassness in the comment. The rudeness in knowing my husband was barely gone and that comment was made. Sheesh. Anyway, God did bless me with Rich—there was a rainbow in my horizon. So even if your circumstances aren’t like mine, let it be known that you will see your rainbows from time to time. We love you too,
    Tracey

  • June

    We have a favorite saying “the stewin’ is worse than the doin'” and it’s proven true in my life over and over. There’s no easy way to get through the difficult times, only what works best for you. Just know there’s a bunch of us out here pulling for you.

  • Tristen

    I am making cranberry sauce today, I don’t know why I’m so emotional about it, but thank you for sharing so much of your life these past few months. For some reason, my heart is truly touched by the way that you express your feelings so truthfully and painfully and this year I have paused before making my cranberry sauce, thinking about you and trying desperately to not take any of this time I have with my sweet little family for granted. Life throws us curveballs and it is not helpful to try to avoid them, but it is advantageous to take on of the good days while they are here. Thank you for your weekly reminder. Thinking about you this week.

  • Annette

    I’ve been reading since I found your blog through the peanut butter pie links. I’m so sorry for your loss and have been wanting to write but not knowing the right post or moment. This is it. Thanksgiving marks the two year anniversary of my fiance’s passing unexpectedly from a heart attack — double whammy, as if one or the other weren’t enough separately. I still miss him sorely every day and, like you, replay that day in my mind. None of us can ever know what another feels in grief; there is overlap, but I don’t believe in “I know how you feel.” So I will just say I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this experience, and send you hugs and good wishes for the holiday season.

  • Susan T.

    I’m thankful for you sharing your life experiences with us. It has given me different perspectives on life and I so enjoy your wonderful recipes!

  • Susan Raider

    Jenny,
    This response is just for you. I think it is great that you are doing Thanksgiving. What the psychologist/grief counselor I saw to help my kids through my husband’s passing said was that at least for the first year, try to do things the same for the major holidays. After that it is okay to change it up. For the first year, they need the security of doing the familiar. Funny enough… the counselor I saw for me to help me through said to change it all up so it would not be as hard. I kept it the same for my kids. Some day when I have more time I can share more details if you like.
    Happy Thanksgiving. Give thanks, my dear, for having been lucky enough to have shared your life with Mikey for however limited a time it was. And, give thanks for the gift of your beautiful girls.
    Warmest regards,
    Susan

  • kj

    My guy and I had our Thanksgiving dinner last night (we won’t be together on Thursday) and I made this cranberry sauce in Mikey’s memory. It was wonderful and has earned a permanent place on our holiday table. Wishing you peace through the coming days and weeks, Jennie. Your girls are lucky to have such a strong mom.

  • Daphne

    Jennie,
    I have been following your site for a few weeks now & have wanted to post a comment but always felt inadequate. But I recently learned some news about an old friend that leads me to not put off anything because none of us have a promise of tommorrow. So, with that, thank you for sharing some of your deepest thoughts with us…giving us a glint into what you are facing each day. May you continue to find strength you didn’t even realize you possessed. Love those girls and keep taking one step at a time. Hugs from us out here!

  • Cath

    I want to make the Chocolate Chess pie….please tell us how….
    Have a blessed Thanksgiving….all of us are thinking of the Perillo girls….

  • Maria Grasso

    As I give thanks today, share a meal with friends, you and your daughters will be in my heart and prayers. xo Maria

  • Colette

    Hi Jennie,
    One day last August I was checking my regular baking blogs and came across a “Pie for Mikey” on Brown Eyed Baker. As I read that post, I cried, like a little baby. I delivered pieces of pie to all those that were dear to me. I told them your story and somehow felt a little better just knowing that I had shared Mikey’s pie and your story. Ever since that day I check in with you to see how you are all doing.
    My husband is Mikey’s age, we have a 4 year old. I felt for you, I still do.
    Even way up here in a tiny Province in Canada…your family has touched mine.
    I’m sending you lots of love to be shared with those beautiful children. May you continue to make it through each day with all the the glory that you deserve.

  • Trina

    Jennie, your brown butter apple pie recipe is divine. I made a last minute decision to try this out in our rented cabin up in Sequoia National Park. What a hit it was with my husband and two young boys. I hope you get a smile on your face knowing that you changed our Thanksgiving dinner for the better…and that I had to use less butter in the mashed potatoes! I had limited supplies!
    Your writing inspires me. May your blessing continue to multiply as you journey through your grief.
    Trina

  • Michelle W.

    Jennie, I came across this article this morning (Monday). I want to share it with you. It speaks of changes coming in the medical (description)relationship of grief and depression. I thought it might interest you, not because I think you’re depressed, but because I thought there were a couple of poignant statements made in the article about how society treats grief these days. As one who has known the loss of a husband, and now a parent, I am familiar with the depths of grief and how it changes us. Grief eventually subsides, but it is always with us, permanently coloring the days and events of our lives. I sympathize for your loss, Jennie, and wish you well as you discover all that is to come, beyond grief and loss, and especially, beyond the lost familiar. With love…
    http://www.utne.com/Mind-Body/Mourning-In-America-Medicalization-Of-Bereavement.aspx?newsletter=1&utm_content=11.28.11+Science+and+Technology&utm_campaign=UTR_ENEWS&utm_source=iPost&utm_medium=email